


Better Judgement

by Dragonsigma



Category: The Goblin Emperor - Katherine Addison
Genre: Gen, Implied Relationships, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 23:23:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6260152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragonsigma/pseuds/Dragonsigma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He realizes that he has been prying, that this note is something he has no right to see.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Judgement

**Author's Note:**

> Done for Storytime on IRC

Does Cala have no sense of propriety, of personal dignity? The scatter of papers on his desk is shameful. This room would never pass a Guard inspection, and it rankles Beshelar's sense of what should be. This cannot be allowed to stand. It is a suitable time to correct it; Cala is away searching for a book in the Mazan’theileian library.

Beshelar gathers the pages from their various locations, frowning at the folds and occasional stains. The sheets are covered in indecipherable notations, sketched diagrams, terminology Beshelar has never heard before in his life, all of it crammed into corners or scrawled haphazardly across the page with no regard for direction.

He is tugging several papers- with torn edges! - from their place half-caught in a box of pens, when a folded note tumbles out. It is of a different, thicker paper than the rest, and when Beshelar unfolds it, he recognizes the hand. He last saw it several months ago, on duty reports. It is this surprise, perhaps, that allows him to disregard his better judgement and read what is written there.

He reads several lines before he looks away, knowing this to be something _private,_  something he has no right to see. He realizes he has been _prying_ , which is _improper_ and childish besides, and it is unkind, and he wonders how he has allowed his irritation at Cala's manner to justify this invasion that Cala has done nothing to deserve.

Cala will be back soon, and though Beshelar could return the note to its place and pretend he merely tidied the other papers and never found it, he knows he should not. That would be a lie, if only one of omission, and more importantly, it would be dishonorable.

When Cala does return, the book he had sought in his hands, he stands by his desk and says, in a formal and cold tone Beshelar has not heard in a long time nor wished to hear again, "We do not recall asking for your help with our research."

And Beshelar realizes he does not know what to say, for he has very little experience in making apologies, and the way one would talk to a commander or a parent is not the way one would talk to a friend.

"Yes," he acknowledges, and forces his eyes up, though Cala has not yet turned to look at him. "We... should not have."  

It is not yet a suitable apology, and he thinks for a moment that it is ironic, that he should be so lacking in the one area of appropriate behavior that he needs at this moment.

Cala picks up the folded note. "We had assumed," he says, twisting it thoughtfully - sadly?- in his fingers, "that our private belongings would be a safe place to keep personal correspondence."

Beshelar does not know what to say, and so he is grateful when Cala speaks again, though that weak comfort crumbles at the bitterness in Cala's voice. "You must think us foolish, sentimental, to keep a letter from him. After what he did to all of us."

"That is not-" he begins, and has to search for words. For his first reaction beneath the guilt was not one of disgust, or even of pity. "We did not know that you, that is, that you and he... It adds to his crimes, that he turned against you even though..." It is pathetic, and it is still not an apology.

"It is past," Cala says, and Beshelar knows enough not to continue on that topic.

"Regardless," he says at last, "It was..." And he knows what he needs to say. He sighs.  "I am deeply sorry, Cala. I should not have looked."

A few moments pass, and Beshelar ponders why the words should taste at once bitter and freeing. At last, Cala folds the note away, closes the box. "Let us both consider it past," he says, and when he finally turns to Beshelar, there is no accusation in his eyes.

And as difficult and tense as all that was, Beshelar feels that their understanding has somehow deepened, that going forward they will better act in concert as partners and as friends.

**Author's Note:**

> Join the tiny fandom discussion and RP at http://www.slashnet.org/webclient/thegoblinemperor


End file.
